Aren't I a comedian if I say I am?

(why I’m doing stand-up)

I am a story-teller, I’ve decided. I write and tell stories. And you know, read, think about and discuss them. I write and tell in different formats and situations and I enjoy the process. But I wonder, is there something that I am better at than another? Should I really try to focus on one area? Or jump around as the project, timing and opportunities present themselves? How to know? I decided to devise an experiment.

I think I’m hilarious. But when am I funniest and how best to be funny? And why even bother trying to figure it out? Well, because I added “do open-mic stand-up comedy” to my “things to do in my year of 50” list. Since I was already thinking about it, I figured why not use comedy to test if I should focus, or jump around. It’s not a fool-proof test, but there will be data, experiences, feedback, stuff to analyze. Something’s gonna happen.

I’ve got a rough routine. I wrote it as a humor piece and submitted it to McSweeney’s Internet Tendency on 10/7. We’ll see what happens. I’m editing this piece here about my intentions and will post it to my blog right before I walk over to do my first stand-up open-mic. I will put it here so it has a place to be and to document my intentions in advance. Keeps me honest. I will walk over with or meet friends at Bishop’s Lounge. One of them will tape it. I will post my video to YouTube. I will link to video and essay in my Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Something’s gonna happen.

Then really, whatever happens, I get to interpret it. If I loved doing stand-up, receive a warm response and my friends liked it – I will try again. What if I hate live performance and bomb, but my written humor is accepted by Internet Tendency – then I will try to do more written humor pieces. Maybe the response and feelings are equal – then I jump around. So I have a date, a crew, and something to say. Then just see what happens. It’s all learning. It’s all equal. All outcomes are the right outcomes.

Adirondack Timing

I don't do some of the things I used to enjoy doing, like travel. I'm not really sad about it, because I'm doing other things I enjoy and I chose this hiatus. I just choose to be grateful for all the travel I have done and look forward to when I can do it again.

I have a friend that lives in Amsterdam. I've been a few times, but pre-FOE me would have visited her and we would have planned some awesome trip together. I haven't seen her since Baltimore (4 years). She messaged me a while back to say she would be in the states for 10 days in September and could we get together. I knew it was unlikely. But when my temp assignment ended right in the middle of her visit, I jumped in my car and drove to the Adirondacks.

I had an amazing couple of days. It was just what I needed. We hiked Bald Mountain. Her highest peak was in India. Mine in Austria. The people in my life are amazing. They are the most important thing to me.

Ich liebe meine Mutti

I woke up around 3:30 to drive to Springfield to take the 5:30 bus to Boston to meet my mother. The parking lot attendant told me in all his years he has never had a customer drive to take a bus. I explained my mother had an appointment with a specialist at Mass General and I wanted to be there and I also wanted to ride back in the car with her because she was spending the weekend with me: Operation Good Daughter. I had to kinda be a jerk to my mother when she wanted to discuss how I would get there and our weekend plans, "Just let me do this. I am planning a beautiful, thoughtful weekend. I don't want to tell you anything. Can't I just surprise you." I explained later I needed to disarm her. I made a list of some of my favorite stories about my mother, things to ask her about that would prompt some of her happiest memories, advice to seek, a shopping trip so she could treat me, drives through old neighborhoods, dinosaur tracks and coffee and sweets. All the planning paid off. Then I made her this card to commemorate her visit. All you have to do is decide what is really important to you. Then put some thoughtful time and effort into the plans. Then execute your plan, and be patient and pay attention and share and connect. I love my mother and I want to make sure she knows it.

Ultimatum

Table of Contents for the Meat for Tea scrapple issue.  It's actually Pappalardo.  I know that guy.  But Poppa Lardo sounds like a totally jovial character!  It might be annoying to read a story this way, but I'm gonna post it anyway.  I couple small edits thanks to Poppa Lardo.

ULTIMATUM




We four were sitting on the patio, enjoying the Sayulita evening. There were a few lights down by the town and beach, and a fire burned in the dark hills above us. We’d just finished eating a grilled chicken we bought from locals a few houses down. Condiments and sides twisted closed in sandwich baggies. We ate on the patio and drank icy cold cans of Mexican beer.



Dylan started it: What do you think of ultimatums?

Kelli joked: Dude! What I done wrong? Ain’t we having fun? I have to stop talking or you’ll what? What?

Tina asserted: I love them. Just get to the point. I’m busy. Make things easier for me!

Drew cautioned: Well, not everything is so black and white. There’s a lot of grey area and sometimes an ultimatum kinda, ya know, shuts things down.

Kelli: Dylan, why you asking? Can you give us a hypothetical?

Dylan: It came up talking to some colleagues. My friend works with a guy who got an ultimatum from his girl so he proposed to her. My friend thinks it’s a totally bogus way to start a marriage and that the guy is doomed.

Drew: If you would have given me an ultimatum, I wouldn’t have married you.

Kelli: Sure you would have. Oh, youda bristled, but then settled down and figured what the hell, she here, I’m lazy.

Drew: I love your confidence. But really, ya never know. Sometimes you make the right decision; sometimes you make the wrong one.

Kelli: Thank god you got that one right!

Drew: Right. I’ve been blessed.

Tina: Ultimatums on big decisions is stupid. Too much drama.

Kelli: It’s a fucking ballsy ass move on her part. Cuz yer man gonna walk away or he gonna step up. If he walk away, you look dumb. If he step up, everyone always gonna wonder if he done it because he weak.

Tina: Right. The girl comes out of it looking like a controlling bitch however it turns out.

Dylan: Kelli, is you drunk? What wit da hood talk?

Kelli: Psssh, I likes to be loose, when drunk, in Mexico. Why you hatin?

Dylan: No hatin’, I say we all tries to talk like we somebody else.

Kelli: Sweet! But seriously, if the guy proposed after an ultimatum, I think that’s a pretty noble thing. It’s so easy to walk away from an ultimatum. Practically everyone will be on your side. Proposing means your girl done served you and you said, I’m not willing to lose this. Maybe he’d been on the fence, waiting for the perfect sign, the perfect time. Ain’t no guarantees. He chose standing with her. Fuck y’all. These sound like smart people who deftly navigated a decision you never have a guarantee on. Good for them.

Drew: I suppose, but did the guy stand by her or just give up? How can she know who she’s getting?

Dylan: Right. The ultimatum forced a decision. Whether the decision made was a brave one or a fearful one is anyone’s guess.

Dylan opened the wine for Tina and Kelli and grabbed beers out of the cooler, tossing a can to Drew.

Drew: Thank you sir. I will accept this beer because you leave me no choice. Beer tossed, is beer drunk.

Tina: It would be rude to refuse. Plus, you gotta help Dylan out or he will be tossed to the couch.

Kelli: I was given an ultimatum once.

Drew: But I thought you wanted to do it!

Kelli: Drew, you know I always wanna do it. Anyway, my first boyfriend and I went through rocky times as all dumb young love does. We were doing some stupid taking-a–break-trying-to-figure-things-out, thing. It was all dumbness and bullshit, but what’r ya gonna do? That shit always ugly, sad and dumb.

Tina: True dat. What? I can’t be hood?

Dylan: Nope. You definitely can not.

Kelli: So my love says to me, we either get back together right now, or you leave and we never talk again.

Dylan: Shit. That’s pretty serious. Obviously you walked away. Did you feel like you were making a smart or a stupid decision?

Kelli: At the time I thought it was totally unfair. I cried a lot. All snotty and but you’re my soulmate-y. I wish I had been cooler, but I didn’t want that decision forced on me.

Drew: Right. He ultimatumed and you walked away. If he hoped you would choose him, he blew it.

Kelli: Blew it or wisely made us come to terms with what we probably already knew. Maybe it kept things from some long ugly humiliating trying and failing foreverness suck void.

Drew: Yeah, it doesn’t seem like it would have worked out, so cutting to the chase was sorta like pulling a band-aid off quickly.

Kelli: Of course I didn’t like it at the time, but now I consider it a gift. Right then and there, in that moment, was I going to stand with him or stand alone. You can’t know what you don’t know. You can’t see what you can’t see. It was a scary and heartbreaking drive home. Fuck, I didn’t even really have a home. I was staying in my parents’ basement while they were going through a divorce. I wanted to go someplace and sob my little heart out, get drunk, read old notes, look at pictures of us when we were in love. You know, study my pain. But I wasn’t ready to explain shit to my parents.

Drew: What did you do?

Kelli: I stopped crying, drove to my parents’ house, grabbed a beer, threw on a bikini, jumped in the pool, then lay wet and shivering until the sun warmed my body.

Dylan: Did you feel brave or scared?

Kelli: Scared as shit. But when you’re faced with two options, you gotta trust your gut. What else can you do? I guess it felt scary and exciting. Maybe that’s what brave feels like. I dunno.

WMME 3: Things Boys Done Ta Me

Yeah.  There it is.  3rd issue.  Crazy.  I really like doing this.  I wanna write and make stuff all day long.  I can't of course, but here is the cool thing.  I didn't make this when I was in Baltimore.  I had one job then and lots more free time.  I have 2 jobs now and very little free time.  But it gettin' done now.  I'm pretty sure that's exactly what I was hoping for.  It's scary making that leap to open your own business.  We figure we are (conservatively) 20,000 hours into it, between the 2 of us, and all our money.  But the learning, ideas, energy and excitement are still there.  We love what we are doing and feel so blessed for the amazing experiences we've had and all the awesome people we've met.  Things feel right.  We have no idea yet if FOE will be sustainable.  It will or it won't.  We are doing what's important to us and so many wonderful people seem to understand that and encourage us.  Whatever happens, we've never worked harder, learned more or accomplished as much.  And all that, we get to keep that.  We just celebrated our 3rd anniversary.  I hope there are many more.  There's so much we want to do.  I just booked a 2015 show I want to see.  You learn how to be an entrepreneur by being an entrepreneur.  We're gonna keep working, and doing it our way.  3 years of FOE.  3 zines.  I'm not really sure how we did it, but we keep getting what we need.  Thank you to everyone who took a chance on us, extended their trust - that makes every single thing worth it.

Colorin' fer charity, agin!

 

Yeah, so I can color, maybe, but I can't make this post look like I want it to.  Markers, Yes!  Technology, Boo!  S'allright.  I kinda want to makestuffbetter soon, but I'm pokey at it.  Anywho, we have a coloring fundraiser at FOE.  I added the glitter bikini top.  I totally want that bikini top!  Also added some dranks too. 

I made this SIGN!

Checksitout!  I made mistakes, I made decisions, I learned along the way and I fussed.  I like it!  I mean, eye catching right?  Jim has to seal it tomorrow.  SO happy to have it done, now on to the vestibule.  Or maybe catch up on all the stuff I have been letting pile up while I hand-painted ma sign.